01.31.07
Posted in , at 6:09 pm by queent
I’m not angry anymore, and I’m not down about it yet so all is still well. Yes I am talking about my unemployment. I recognize that my being laid off is a good thing. The company was pushing me into corners that i was having to creatively work my way out of. I certainly didn’t intend to leave without having something new, but things happen in life the way they are supposed to, so I am not questioning it. I’m doing ok in all the ways I need to be, and I am doing everything I need to do to being gainfully employed as quickly as possible. My favorite word right now is: Networking
Permalink
Posted in , at 6:05 pm by queent
I figured I should actually put it on the calendar because there really is NO TELLING when or if this will ever happen again. I had a party at my house this part weekend. Trust me, I didn’t plan it to be that way. What I thought I was having was a normal semi-tame happy hour like we usually have. However, there were a few more people than a normal happy hour, there was a bit more activity than a normal happy hour and it certainly ran later than a normal happy hour. Ya girl ended up having a party.
It was a great party and the person I hosted it for thoroughly enjoyed himself it was all worthwhile. Fortunately I didn’t freak out at all; ya’ll know I do NOT like a bunch of people in my house. I was never really bothered by it the entire evening. However, I have been told that I did start kicking people out at the late night became early morning. I can’t say sorry about that…I was ready to go to bed and the honoree had to get up and go to work very early the next morning…lol
Despite the great party and great time, I doubt I’ll do that again anytime soon. I really think this was a fluke that I didn’t freak out about the number of people. There were a lot of people in my little house. I’ll guess host another when the honoree returns…That gives me quite a bit of time to mentally prepare…lol
Permalink
01.16.07
Posted in at 8:35 pm by queent
To this day I can’t explain why Aaliyah’s death shook me as much as it did. I loved her as an artists, she seemed to have a genuinely beautiful spirit; she was gifted and amazing and losing her was devestating. I cried for months when her songs and videos aired, and although that eventually passed, I still can’t watch ‘I Miss You’ without crying.
We remember and miss you and love on your birthday Aaliyah.
‘I Miss You’ - Aaliyah
Permalink
01.11.07
Posted in at 4:25 pm by queent
I’ve had a few conversations in the past few days that have left me thinking about the ins and out of who I am. I am confidant in the ‘good’ things about me, the things that make me a good mother, sister, friend, and lover. I’m even ok with the quirky ways I have that are just who I am and you can either take me as I am or not. But we all have ways about us that we know make us a little difficult to deal with sometimes. Things that could cloud our judgment, our decisions, our relationships. And I have to wonder if everyone aware of their ‘not so good’ ways. Does everyone take inventory, make a conscious decision whether or not those not so good qualities are qualities that they can live with as they are; qualities that they feel can be tweaked when necessary to appease others; or qualities that they feel outright need correction. Above all that are they actively doing something about making those corrections.
In all honesty, I have not thought about my not so good qualities. I have always been conscious of the fact that I am flawed; I can say out loud “I am flawed”, but I never took the time to think about what those flaws actually are. Until today.
Superwoman – It makes me feel good to help those that I care about. When you have me as a friend, you have me through thick and thin until you completely destroy that loyalty. So when I see a problem, I jump in to help out; sometimes no matter what it takes. Sometimes that’s not a problem. Sometimes I over extend myself, emotionally or physically. I commit to things that are ridiculously difficult, because someone else has needs. But I do it because that’s who I am. I would hope that when I need, someone that I care about would give me half as much. But I do overextend myself. Physically, I won’t change that. If I can do anything to help I will always rearrange my everything to be where I am needed. Emotionally, I am working to find a block of some way, because when I am emotional superwoman, it takes a toll on my health. I haven’t figured out how to do it yet, but I am at least actively seeking a solution.
Emotionally spoiled – Spoiled is spoiled and overall I know that it’s not right (I’m really struggling to use the word wrong here), but I have been emotionally spoiled since my marriage. I’ve always had a man there for me when I needed and wanted. When I want time, I get time. And that’s really all it is; only it’s not so simple. It’s not that I’m not understanding of other people’s schedules, and I completely respect that other people have lives; but if I know you have ‘free time’ and I ask for it, if you tell me no I’m not so nice. So am I trying to correct it? Honestly, no I’m not. I work hard to not pout, whine, or bitch about it, but I am hurt, and if it happens too often I do take it very personal and I will start to question things.
Daydreamer – I live in my head…A LOT. It’s not that I am not in touch with reality, but I fantasize about the future a lot. I spend time looking ahead, and at times lose track of what is happening in the present because I am so concerned with the future. Being as in touch with reality now is the growth and change I have made in this area, because there were years that fantasy got me through life sanely and years that fantasy kept me in place. I do a lot of reality checking now, and I’ll admit it has made me a somewhat hard hearted person. I’m extremely soft and emotional, but keeping the reality of any given situation forces me to have a remote control brick wall and I have a finger on it at all times.
Insecure – Part of my insecurity is tied up with my spoiledness and my daydreaming. The other part is simply my past history with men. I’ve been lied to every which way imaginable…many times over. So taking anyone’s word at face value does not come natural to me. And that’s just people that I don’t know. People that I develop feelings for have it even worse. Those become the people I expect the worst from. And I can’t help but question every little thing. I think this flaw is my worst, because I don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to do anything about it. The insecurity doesn’t last if it’s proven to be unfounded. But that takes time, and sometimes that waiting game, and going through it to get to where it is unfounded feels very long and very hard. I don’t know how to fix this one besides waiting it out. I admit that it’s not fair that everyone is guilty until proven innocent.
Knowing it all – People that know me and interact with me most would probably better confirm this for me because its more of a feeling that I have then something concrete to me. I feel like I come off as a ‘know it all’ sometimes. I feel that sometimes I people listen to me speak and think ‘she always has something to put in on what everyone says’. It’s kinda funny because I really don’t talk much, so it’s not like I have a lot of opportunity to be a know it all, but still I feel that way. I partially know where it comes from; my ex husband was/is a ‘know it all’ and it used to drive me so crazy I’ve always been scared it rubbed off on me. I am not doing anything about this one because I most days think it’s all in my head…and I don’t know how to fix that.
I love me. Everything about me. Even my flaws.
I really want to challenge every one to look deep within and evaluate themselves. Knowing your qualities reaffirms you and provides your self confidence; and is a way to providing yourself with a measure of checks and balances.
Permalink
Posted in , at 3:45 pm by queent
When YOU cry, I cry. I hate it, its hard for me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because I know you do too.
Permalink