03.29.07
Posted in at 8:37 pm by queent
Tired + PMS + fear of public speaking = a really bad Wednesday morning
I’ve been preparing for a presentation I had to do at work for about 2 weeks or so. I completed the Powerpoint in about 2 days so by Friday it was 100% done. I was supposed to rehearse it with Twin on Thursday but I got sick. It’s a good thing because I wasn’t ready. I stumbled through it just trying to go through it by myself. By Sunday afternoon I had it down pretty well. Monday I went down to the room I would be giving the presentation in. I was going to rehearse it in front of my girl at work, but I was still scared. And I expected I could have at least done it in front of her because we’ve been cool forever now and I’m comfortable with her. Nope. I realized that I was as ready as I was going to get and all that I had left was to do it in front my team. I practiced every night and morning after that. I practiced as I rode my elliptical…LOL
Wednesday came. I didn’t sleep the night before out of nervousness, so I was tired that morning. My presentation was at 2:00 so all morning I was busy. By about 10:30 I was sitting at my desk in tears. I tried everything, every trick, played my “soothing” music, nothing was helping. And that’s when it dawned on me that this was a bout of PMS on top of bad nerves. Shit! Talk about bad timing. There’s not reason I should be sitting at my desk in tears just because of a presentation. But I was. Thankfully I had to leave the office to go to a meeting at the Boy’s school. By the time I got back I was at least awake so I was feeling somewhat better. But at this point I was ready to get it over with.
I actually got through it, and it went by faster than I expected. Mid way through somehow one of my slides ended up out of order so I had to maneuver around that, but I think I did a good job, and my coworkers have said the same. I received the feedback today and I scored very well so I’m happy. But I’m glad I don’t have to do I again anytime soon!
Permalink
03.14.07
Posted in at 7:03 pm by queent
I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time now; pretty much since I was about thirteen or so. At a time when most people still had their parents to rely pretty heavily on, I was doing was under limited supervision and guidance. After the boy, and getting married, I became responsible for others as well. While the husband is gone, the boy certainly is not. I’ve been able to do what needs to be done all the while and although things certainly fall by the wayside, I can say that overall I’m not doing such a bad job.
But at his very moment, I feel so overwhelmed and how it got to be that way is abnormal to me. I was sick all of last week and I’m just now really recovering, a week and a half later. I feel like so many things fell by the way side during that time. I scraped by during the days at work, but it took everything out of me to be able to function. Add to that I’m still in a major learning phase there so I’m still working to catch on and apply everything, while trying to not sneeze all over everyone, not lay my head down in the middle of a certification exam, not lose my voice on my daily calls; I can’t recall being this sick in some years. I was physically drained and I can say that I may have cooked one day last week. Every other day we ate something quick or fast food. Anyone that knows me knows that I cook during the week, or we at least eat something that I’ve recently cooked. Thankfully the boy was gone over the weekend so I didn’t have to worry about caring for him during that time. We won’t even talk about not cleaning up around the house. By 8:00 every night, I was on my deathbed. And on top of that, as drained as I was you would think I’d have been passing out asleep. No, I couldn’t sleep because I was so congested, so I was physically and mentally tried but staring at the ceiling at 1AM.
So during that time I feel like life passed my by, and now that I’m just about better I’m having to play catch up. It’s funny that I’m so overwhelmed at such a seemingly small thing; I never had this feeling the entire time I was working on my degree. It’s strange. I have to get back on track. I have so many things I need and want to do. I’m hoping the feeling will pass in the next few days. This is one for the very few times where I don’t know how to “fix” the problem. More often than not, I know what’s wrong; I devise a solution and go. This thing here has me feeling like I have a ToDo list that no matter how many things I cross off of it, the list grows exponentially.
Permalink
03.12.07
Posted in at 9:21 pm by queent
…vacations that is. I’ve finally been able to plan vacations this year. And not just in my head, I’ve actually put money on both of them so they are happening.
I’m super excited to finally be going to Houston in April. The Boy is going to his dad’s house for Spring break and I’m going to spend the last four days of Spring Break with my best friend from high school in Houston. She was planning for the longest to move here, but an opportunity presented itself in Houston for her late last year and I’m glad she took it. One of my closest friends from college also lives in Houston and I can not wait to see him. We talk all the time, but we haven’t seen each other in over 9 years. Talk about a reunion. This will be the first time I have taken a vacation by myself ever! Hotpants goes to Houston. They ain’t ready!
The bigger trip though is actually planned for early June. I’m taking my mom and the Boy on a cruise to the Bahamas. It’s just vacation for me and the Boy however, its Mama’s birthday present. She really wanted to go to Hawaii for this birthday and before I got laid off I had planned to give it to her. However, the budget isn’t quite the same and a cruise to the Bahamas isn’t the worst thing a child could give to their mother….lol This is actually a group trip because Twin and her fam are going as well. So the kids are occupied, the mamas are occupied and Diamond and Hotpants will be loose at night in the Bahamas! LOL No but really, I’m looking forward to this trip. I’ve never been on vacation with my mom, none of us have ever been on a cruise or to the Bahamas and I think all of the adults on the trip have really earned this vacation. The kids are just lucky kids…lol
Permalink
03.05.07
Posted in at 8:29 pm by queent
If I wasn’t there myself I wouldn’t believe it actually happened. But it did. Not once but twice, back to back. I managed to get in up on a stage in front of people. I’ve been wanting for a long time to overcome this stage fright I have. I figure if I can write decently I should be able to speak too, right?
Well ok the first time wasn’t exactly speaking. I can’t quite say it was singing either though…lol Me and Twin singing to Irreplaceable karaoke style is definitely NOT singing. But it was fun! I think I’d actually do it again. But I’d still probably need one more drink than I had. The upside was the way the bar was set up, the “stage” area was not in front of a huge crowd, it was kinda off in a corner. It really helped that ICON and his better half went on before us too.
And then I convinced myself that I was going to finally get up and read a poem at Mocha Match. I’ve been going since November since I’ve been loving watching everyone else do their thing. I can’t lie, I’ve wanted to since the very first night. But I was scared. And I was still scared as my named was called to walk up on the stage. But I had set it in my head that I was going to do it…and I did. Can I say it felt good and I loved it? Nah I can’t say that. I didn’t exactly love the sound of my own voice. But I think that’s because it sounded so different reverberating in my head than actually out loud. I hadn’t rehearsed it out loud because the more I read it, the more I started not liking it. That always happens. Anyway, I did it, and I am almost positive I’ll do it again.
Permalink